I Do Not Have A Complex
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The conventional logic is that Napolean took over Europe because he was short. That somehow his being short created feelings of inferiorioty so strong, that in a desperate and misguided attempt to deal with them, he literally attempted to take over the world.
Although I'm not a short, smelly, little Frenchman, I am short, and I feel that the conventional logic is complete and utter crap.
I'm short. I'm fine with it.
Yes, I hate absolutely everyone and everything, and I want to take over the world. But that is completely unrelated to the fact that I'm short. The two are have nothing to do with one another. I'm sure it was the same way with Napolean.
Let's face the painfully obvious fact: even though you are two heads taller than me, and if I get upset at you and try hitting you, you can actually do the cartoon response of puting your hand on my head to hold me at a far enough distance so that I flail my arms fruitlessly, I am still better than you.
And rest assured, if you attempt to do that, after I conquer the world, those long, long arms that you used to torture me will be ripped from their sockets. Then I will use them to beat you senseless. Not because I'm trying to work out pent up anger and agression from a childhood of being called "shorty" and getting beat up by dumber, uglier, much worse than me people who just happened, by luck of genetics and no fault of my own whatsoever, to be two feet taller than me, but simply because I think it would be funny.
No, I harbor no animosity towards those bullies who took advantage of my slightly smaller stature. Really, I feel sorry for them. Because whenever they tried to make fun of me, I would always rip on them with my razor sharp wit and superior intellect and make them feel very, very small and tiny, and they would be exposed for the pathetic little losers that they were. And as they were hanging me up on the flagpole by my underwear, I felt the smug satisfaction of knowing that I could hurl better insults than anyone else on the playground.
I do however, hold some grudge against all the parents, teachers, doctors, and other "knowledgable adults" who continually told me about the mystical, magical growth spurt that was just about to happen to me. Any day now, growth spurt, it's coming real soon, they used to tell me.
I'm 20 now, still no growth spurt. Because those asshole were lying and there will be no growth spurt, those lying, dirty bastards.
But I'm not upset at all. Because being short has many, many advantages. Yes, I am forced to look at the back of ugly people's necks during concerts, and yes, sometimes when I'm walking along with my friends they say things like "oh my god, what happened to adam, where did he go?" and they're being serious, and I'm actually walking right between them. But what overshadows all of that is that I can wear Powerpuff Girls baby-t's, and that's all that really matters in life.
That, and taking over the world so I can make calling me "shorty" punishable by death.
Adam Mathes is tall enough to reach the ground.