Dust to Dust, Web to Web
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In e-mail (Delivery Time for Order Number 1130578):
From: Papa John's Pizza
Thank you for ordering online from Papa Johns Pizza
Your meal from Papa John's Pizza will be delivered in approximately 45 minutes. If you have only one phone line, please keep it clear during this time as the restaurant may have questions about your order.
For fast, easy ordering on all occassions, use My Papa Johns Pizza, where you can save favorite orders, view order history, and match convenient restaurant locations to your home or office.
It is important that you are satisfied with our service. So if you have any questions or comments please call our toll-free customer support line at 1-888-834-7559 and refer to Order # 1130578.
Thank you for ordering from Papa Johns Pizza. Come back again soon.
I don't like Papa John's pizza dictating my phone usage. Also, I find it condescending of them to remind me to use their online ordering system when I had such done so.
In e-mail (re: comment from the web):
From: An anonymous fan
ok you mother fucker i am fed up with. i don't care about your fucking web site and i don't want you fucking e-mail me ever again ok. bitch
P.S. I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE IN YOU SLEEP.
The all lower case, poorly punctuated first "paragraph" is balanced by the all caps second phrase. This is artfully phrased, raising questions as to the true meaning. Does he hope I fucking die? What does "in you sleep" mean? Or maybe, he hopes I fucking die in, as in in my house, and that it is time for me to sleep. The lack of proper punctuation really lends a lot to the artistic je ne sais quoi.
In e-mail (re: I don't need no stinking packages...)
From: My mom
Of course, packages. Or a Christmas box and an envelope. This will be your first Christmas away from home. And what is Ani's mailing address. i have a little something for her. Thanks. XXX Mom/Janet
I find myself wondering what my mother means by "I have a little something for her," followed by "XXX." Also, does "Mom/Janet" allude to the double life she leads, one as my mother, and another as someone named Janet? Is this a hint that, now that I will be entering the married world, our relationship will shift from mother/son to adult/adult? Peer to peer? Will I have to call my mom by her first name?
Ben Brown loves e-mail