Dialogue
↑ that's a permalink! visit the full archive
A Mostly Unedited Dialogue Between Two Art Students at a Prestigious Arts School That Took Place During the 73rd Annual Academy Awards
On the ABC Academy Awards Preshow—
liselle14: this is AWFUL
yurick007: terrible.
On the Opening Monologue—
liselle14: steve martin should be funny though, right?
yurick007: uh...
liselle14: ha
liselle14: he looks nice, at least
On the Set Decoration that Featured Many Giant Phallic Oscar Statutes—
liselle14: the set SUCKS
On the Oscar for Best Actress in a Supporting Role—
yurick007: ooh...upset in the best supporting actress category.
Auto response from liselle14: not paying attention right now... sorry.
On the First of Several Multimillion Dollar Pepsi Ads Featuring Britney Spears—
liselle14: um, pepsi commercial...
yurick007: um, a minute long oscar commercial.
yurick007: that must have cost them SO much $
liselle14: um, britney spears
liselle14: $$
On the Oscar for Best Live Action Short and the Surprise Victory of Florain Gallenberger for Quiero Ser (I want to Be…)—
liselle14: he wants to thank Mexico...
liselle14: awww
On the First of Several Live Performances of the Songs Nominated for Best Song (this time for Sting’s grammatically engaging “My Funny Friend and Me”)—
yurick007: okay, i'm sorry...they can cut the songs from now on.
yurick007: every year, without fail, they are the WORST part of the show.
liselle14: yeah, pretty much
yurick007: except when robin williams sings south park.
liselle14: yeah, that was fucking awesome
liselle14: hey, bob dylan's performing tonight!
yurick007: doing what?
liselle14: um, singing, dumbfuck
liselle14: laugh
liselle14: i don't know what he's singing
yurick007: ah...
liselle14: but this is the ugliest fucking set
yurick007: agreed.
On the Oscar for Best Editing—
yurick007: i am SO happy that Stephen Mirrione won!
yurick007: i know him. he was Doug’s editor for “Swingers” and “Go” and he's the biggest fucking sweetheart. yurick007: just such a cool cat.
liselle14: starfucker.
yurick007: bitch.
liselle14: drama queen.
yurick007: art slut.
On the Ceremony thus Far—
yurick007: yeah, actually, thus far all of the winners have been outside of the mainstream.
liselle14: yup!
yurick007: that is, if you consider “Crouching Tiger” not mainstream.
liselle14: you kind of have to
yurick007: have you seen it yet?
liselle14: nope
yurick007: let's go see it this week.
liselle14: okay!
yurick007: yeah, i really want to see that + “Pollock”
liselle14: yeah
On the First of Several Oscars Awarded to Ridley Scott’s Men-In-Skirts Epic “Gladiator” (This one for Best Achievement in Costume Design)—
liselle14: 1 for gladiator
yurick007: let's hope that's the only one.
On Steve Martin’s Performance—
liselle14: ha
liselle14: steve martin SO not funny
yurick007: NOT AT ALL
liselle14: ugh
yurick007: all his jokes are flat.
On Presenter Angelina Jolie, the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role and Benicio Del Toro’s Highly Deserved Win in that Category (+ his curious thank you to the people of Nogales)—
yurick007: angelina jolie...SO strung out.
liselle14: wow, her legs are as disproportionatey long as mine
liselle14: what was the first movie?
liselle14: w/ jeff bridges
yurick007: "The Contender"
yurick007: or “Snowball In Hell”
liselle14: ah
liselle14: yay!
yurick007: that was a tough category.
yurick007: Finney, Defoe and de Toro were all damn good.
yurick007: but what's up with this love of geography thing?
liselle14: hahaha
yurick007: two oscars dedicated to places.
liselle14: yup
On the Third of Several Commercials by American Express Featuring the Ever-Popular, Ever-Unemployed Jerry Seinfeld—
liselle14: 3rd seinfeld commercial
yurick007: jerry is just sexy.
liselle14: riiight
liselle14: you’re stupid
yurick007: art slut.
Liselle14: drama queen
On Mike Meyers’ Presentation of the Awards for Best Sound and Best Sound Effects Editing (the former of which went to John Johnson for his work on the picture “Gladiator”)—
yurick007: meyers is funny.
liselle14: yup
liselle14: 2 for gladiator
liselle14: if your name was john johnson, wouldn't you change it?
yurick007: my name is JOSH GRONSBELL.
yurick007: i plan on changing it.
liselle14: hahahaha
On the Lovely Ms. Julia Stiles—
liselle14: damn, julia stiles looks great
yurick007: 'at she does.
On the Second of Several Live Performances of the Songs Nominated for Best Song (this time for Tan Dun’s “A Love Before Time” from “Wo Hu Zang Long”)—
liselle14: ACROBATS
yurick007: w/ swords!
liselle14: yeah!
liselle14: what a sucky song
yurick007: christ, yes.
liselle14: this is AWFUL
yurick007: they should have had dylan sing it.
liselle14: hahaha
liselle14: Dylan singing in Mandarin.
Liselle13: oh, yeah, that would be SO much better.
On Steve Martin’s Performance (yet again)—
liselle14: steve martin SUCKS
yurick007: and he keeps picking on Julia Roberts!
liselle14: i know!
yurick007: if she doesn't win, he's just gonna look mean.
liselle14: i know!
liselle14: but she’ll win.
yurick007: but if she doesn’t
liselle14: No, she WILL win
On the Oscar for Best Cinematography—
liselle14: is that the third for crouching tiger?
yurick007: i think so.
yurick007: thank god crouching tiger won for cinematography over gladiator.
liselle14: yeah
yurick007: this guy's great.
liselle14: yup!
yurick007: he's like the Twainese micro-machines guy.
liselle14: he looks awesome
liselle14: dude, another geographical citation
yurick007: what did he cite? i missed it.
liselle14: china...duh
liselle14: or rather, chinese people all over the world
yurick007: dig, score three for geography teachers.
liselle14: absolutely
On Steve Martin’s Remark About Seeing Neither Tigers Nor Dragons in “Wu Hu Zang Long”—
yurick007: no tigers nor dragons...
yurick007: nor humor.
liselle14: argh…steve, go home!
On Kate Hudson and the Oscar for Best Achievement in Makeup and the Sixth Win in that Category of Makeup Artist Rick Baker—
liselle14: AWFUL outfit
yurick007: kate hudson looks like a country western witch.
liselle14: i know!
liselle14: wow... his SIXTH award
yurick007: puh-lease...the makeup in Shadow of the Vampire was so much better.
yurick007: but he's an old school academy favorite.
liselle14: apparently so
yurick007: sort of the tom hanks of make-up.
liselle14: looks that way
yurick007: this guy is old hat...he knew to get off the stage quickly.
liselle14: yup
On the Tribute to Cinematographer Jack Cardiff—
yurick007: jack cardiff's cinematography is so amazing.
yurick007: he did "The Red Shoes"
liselle14: yeah
yurick007: that was a GREAT montage.
yurick007: whoever edited it did a fabulous job.
liselle14: yeah
liselle14: that was AWESOME
yurick007: wow what a great speech.
yurick007: he really captured whatever magic there is in the cinema.
liselle14: yeah!
yurick007: and then the anouncer totally ruined it by talking about Sarah Jessica Parker and Samuel L. Jackson.
Auto response from liselle14: back in one minute
yurick007: case in point.
On Steve Martin’s Introduction of Samuel L. Jackson who was Presenting the Oscars for Best Short Subject Documentary and Best Feature Length Documentary—
yurick007: oh, no steve martin don't try to be soulful.
liselle14: what did steve martin say?
yurick007: "I was up for the role in Shaft, but apparently Sam Jackson had a whole 'black take' on the role."
liselle14: oh god
yurick007: you know, the doc. award is apparently a controversial topic recently.
yurick007: they're revising the rules governing the category
liselle14: gee…it’s SO exciting to begin with
yurick007: shut up.
liselle14: fuck you.
yurick007: art slut.
liselle14: drama queen.
On the Oscar for Best Short Subject Documentary and the Director Tracy Seretean’s Victory Speech (in which she dedicated the film to “All grandmothers”)—
yurick007: god, no one ever sees the doc. short films.
liselle14: oh! i heard about this movie!
yurick007: um…
liselle14: at least she didn't dedicate it to all of the grandmothers out there in Romania or something.
yurick007: damn it, i want more geography. it’s about fucking time people heard about the workers’ struggles in Nogales.
liselle14: communist.
On the Third of Several Live Performances of the Songs Nominated for Best Song (this time featuring Susanna Hoff of the Bangles…you know, the Bangles)—
liselle14: susanna hoffs?!!! no way!!!
liselle14: she looks really good!
yurick007: who is susanna hoffs?
liselle14: um, from the BANGLES??? duh...
yurick007: i gathered that much.
yurick007: i've just never heard of her.
liselle14: well, you've heard of the bangles...
yurick007: actually, while i've heard *of* the bangles, i don't think i've ever *heard* any of their music.
liselle14: !!!!
liselle14: walk like an egyptian!!!!!!!!!!!!
yurick007: oh, that's them?
liselle14: yeah!
yurick007: wow, she’s still alive?
On Steve Martin’s Intimation of Tom Hank’s Involvement in the Elaborate and Highly Publicised Scheme to Kidnap Actor Russell Crowe—
liselle14: god, martin had better lay off russell crowe...
yurick007: hanks' “i’m sorry…so sorry” reaction is funnier than the joke.
liselle14: i know!
liselle14: SOOO much funnier
yurick007: HE should have hosted.
On the Presentation of the Awards for Best Visual Effects by Chow Yun Fat and Michelle Yeoh—
yurick007: ooohh...Chow Yun Fat is so dreamy.
liselle14: hahaha
yurick007: god, he's just so cool.
liselle14: yup
yurick007: and that girl sounds like Uhura from "Star Trek"
liselle14: heeheehee
On the Ironic Fourth & Fifth of Several Live Performances of the Songs Nominated for Best Song (this time for Björk’s “I Have Seen It All” from Lars Van Tier’s “Dancer in the Dark” in which the enchanting Icelandic pixie plays a blind factor worker and Bob Dylan’s “Things Have Changed” from the ultra-traditional drama “Wonderboys”)—
liselle14: well, at least bjork and dylan are going to sing
yurick007: bjork AND dylan.
liselle14: um?
yurick007: oh, that is SO rad.
liselle14: uh, they’re not singing together.
yurick007: oh…
liselle14: moron.
yurick007: well, it's really a shame, though, that Bjork wasn't nominated.
liselle14: she wasn't?
yurick007: for “Dancer in the Dark”
yurick007: nope.
yurick007: even though she won best actress at Cannes.
liselle14: yes-huh... else she wouldn't be performing
liselle14: oh, you mean for acting?
yurick007: yeah.
liselle14: ah
yurick007: i know she's nominated for the song.
yurick007: just not for the performance.
yurick007: which was, frankly, much better than the songs
yurick007: the music was kind of lame.
liselle14: hahaha
liselle14: no it wasn't!
yurick007: i understood its function in the film, but i just thought it was a little TOO eccentric at times.
liselle14: dude, it's BJORK
yurick007: yeah, i know.
yurick007: i mean the lyrics, though, not her.
liselle14: hmph
liselle14: talk about eccentric, look at bob Dylan over there
yurick007: yeah, that is pretty bad.
yurick007: god, why do they have him in a close-up?
liselle14: i know
yurick007: Dylan used to be attractive…what happened?
liselle14: things are not looking good for Jacob.
On the Oscar for Best Foreign Film—
yurick007: you know, not that this was the case this year, but i always find it interesting when the best foreign film is not in contention for best picture.
liselle14: yes
liselle14: as if it's some sort of sub-par category
yurick007: it's sort of like admitting "yeah, it was the best movie in the entire world...but it still doesn't compare to five pieces of hollywood trash"
liselle14: exactly
yurick007: but i guess it's either a separate category or no recognition at all.
liselle14: yup
yurick007: no me gusta.
On the Oscar For Best Performance By An Actor in a Leading Role—
liselle14: i SO wish i could have seen russell crowe play frank n furter in rocky horror...
yurick007: what!?
yurick007: when was he in rocky horror?
liselle14: long ago
yurick007: i love it.
On the Oscar for Best Performance By An Actress in a Leading Role—
yurick007: so the star of “Mystic Pizza” won the oscar
. Auto response from liselle14: not paying attention right now... shedding many joyous tears for the women of the world (you go, Julia!)
yurick007: oy vey.
yurick007: wait, there it is, the final geographical reference:
yurick007: "I love the world"
yurick007: Nogales to Mexico to China to the world…
yurick007: Oscar’s got his paws in everything, I guess.
On the Oscar for Best Director—
liselle14: how much did we LOVE steven soderburgh's speech?
yurick007: it was SO good.
yurick007: so fucking unsentimental.
liselle14:
yurick007: i was actually surprised that he got it.
yurick007: it was either him or ang lee.
yurick007: and i thought he would wind up splitting his own vote.
liselle14: yeah, so did everyone
liselle14: hurray art!
yurick007: art slut.
liselle14: drama queen.
On the Oscar for Best Picture and the “Gladiator’s” Roman-style Orgy of Conquest—
yurick007: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
liselle14: oh, get over it.
liselle14: drama queen.
Yurick007: fuck you.
yurick007: it’s just that “Traffic” should have crushed “Gladiator.”
liselle14: i never saw gladiator
yurick007: the worst piece of dreck i saw all year.
liselle14: really?
yurick007: so bad in so many ways.
liselle14: hahaha
liselle14: the only one i saw was “Traffic”
liselle14: and i liked it
yurick007: it should have won.
liselle14: hmm
On the 73rd Annual Academy Awards and Why They Were Not Altogether Terrible—
liselle14: well, all in all that was a more or less satisfying award show... steve martin sucked, though
yurick007: sucked some wicked ass.
liselle14: but there were some great dresses, and i felt like the awards mostly went to those who deserved them
yurick007: at least some non-mainstream stuff got attention this year.
liselle14: yeah
yurick007: i'm sorry ed harris didn't win for pollock though.
yurick007: that was a lifelong project for him.
liselle14: yeah, he's an amazing actor
yurick007: plus, he's SO much sexier than Russell Crowe.
liselle14: hahaha
liselle14: drama queen.
yurick007: art slut.
Josh Gronsbell is so timely