Filler Friday: Too Lazy To Bother With Titles Anymore
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Kids these days, I swear, no respect for their elders.
Franny thinks she can just waltz right into the highly selective world of Über, and take Andrea's spot. There's no way anyone can replaced Andrea. I don't what sort of idiot would make the audacious claim that any short female with breasts and a willingness to write about boobs and lesbians could do the job.
Andrea's position on Über requires a lot, of... stuff. I don't know. Never mind.
And what is this with these damned kids linking to fart.jpg in their pieces? That's my shtick, bastards. Find your own unfunny running gag.
Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be setting up this chat transcript. Focus, focus. Anyway, I have finals, so be happy I even wrote this pseudo-introduction, ingrates.
We here at this fine, fine publication once thought about expanding the pool of Über contributors in a formalized way. In the following unedited chat transcript, my good friend and Über contributor Andy "Talentless Hack" Pressman and I discuss expanding the Über writing pool, amongst other things. (I swear, this is an actual chat transcript I dug up, I'm much too lazy to make this shit up.)
From a conversation dated July 28, 2000, back when Über was actually written by the staff.
andy: My girlfriend says she wants to dye her hair purple. I think she's been reading too much of your "writing."
adam: you're just worried that she's starting to see how much better i am than you
andy: It's the chops, man.
andy: It sets her thighs a'quiver.
adam: it's not just her you know, it's everyone
andy: So, ah. You're not going to write for Monday, maybe?
adam: well, we'll see.
adam: i'm going to do some strategizing this weekend
adam: about how best to utilize uber resources in both the short and long term
andy: So Ben wants to get Abi and Nate and Maria writing?
andy: Or for them to be some kind of Teen Titans or something?
adam: well, i think the plan is to give maria betterthan.uber.nu
andy: Although I love the three of them, as I would my own children, and although I am willing to have them suckle at my chest in times of drought, I worry about spreading ourselves too thin.
adam: can i suckle too?
adam: well, i'm going to think about it this weekend
andy: You can suckle something else, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge.
adam: i was thinking maybe like once or twice a week it's the new ubers
adam: the juniors
adam: you know, like the new mutants
adam: except before cable
adam: when they sucked
andy: Oh, back in the New Mutants / Hellions days.
andy: The Bill SIenkewicz issues were Ok.
adam: you know, we're the x-men, and we let them make guest appearances and do crossovers
andy: Ahaha ..
andy: Actually, I kind of like that idea.
adam: mainly when we're too lazy to come up with real content
andy: And maybe eventually one of them will graduate and become an X-Men.
andy: Until the sales slip, and they get kicked out.
adam: shipped off to britian to become part of excalibur at that point
andy: I think Andrea loved Excalibur.
adam: well, i think she's going to be the first to go
adam: she can be shadowcat, and nate/nightcrawler can follow her
andy: Nightcrawler's too cool for Nate.
andy: Nate is like Widget, that little robot thing.
adam: you're getting a little too comic book geek for even me
andy: The, uh ..
andy: The ..
adam: so is your girlfriend going to die her hair purple? for real? that's awesome.
andy: Yeah, apparently she is. Possibly maybe. Although, probably to spite me, she'll do it right after I go back to school.
adam: that's so cool. i feel like i'm really making a difference in the world.
adam: hah. good. where does she go to school?
andy: She's also considering dying her pubic hair purple. Which, while risky, is something I am encouraging.
andy: She's taking the year off from school; she'll probably end up at Maryland, they have a good botany program.
andy: I once dated a girl who shaved her pubic hair, and it was the worst thing I'd ever encountered.
adam: couldn't deal with the pedophilic implications?
andy: Couldn't deal with the stubble, more like.
Don't worry kids, I'll be back next week with more non-content. Maybe.
Adam Mathes has gotten in trouble for writing too much about pubic hair.