I Think We've Seen This One Before: A Critical Defense of Jem and the Holograms
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For most television programs, plot is the meat-and-potatoes: the exciting adventures and mishaps that keep the viewer coming back each day or week. Jem! was a groundbreaking program, however, because it all but totally eschewed plot in favor of insightful character analysis. Each episode of Jem! is full of little vignettes, little keyhole glimpses into the lives of Jem, The Holograms, and the people around them, which cause the characters to burst from the screen with a truly outrageous verisimilitude.
"Oh my god," I said, staring at my computer screen. "You can buy Jem and the Holograms videos online."
"Shut up," said the guy I share an office with. He rose up out of his chair and started coming toward me. "Shut the fuck up."
Jem! lays it's lack of concern for plot quite bare. The careful viewer will note that the structure of the opening theme mirrors the structure of the show. First, Jem and company appear, looking and sounding beautiful, dancing and twirling and putting on quite a show, but also simply living their lives. Then the music changes jarringly as The Misfits appear and take over our television screens, trying to overshadow and out-do the Holograms. Finally, the music slips easily back into the original theme, allowing Jem & The Holograms to finish their song, thus besting The Misfits with grace and dignity. The entire premise of each and every episode (The Holograms are scheduled to perform a concert or make an appearance somewhere, The Misfits hatch an evil plan to steal the spotlight from them, The Holograms foil the evil plan and save the day) has been distilled into a 60-second song. Now the viewer can free him- or herself from the typical constraints of plot, and instead be swept away in glorious character study. While Jem! detractors will jeer and say "Who could enjoy this show? The plot is always the same!" The devoted Jem! fan will smile knowingly, and perhaps feel a twang of pity for this poor fool who wears societal mores like a straightjacket, who could never appreciate the emotional subtleties of a show like Jem!, and who is probably doomed to a life of business suit, coffee cup, traffic jam and cubicle.
A few minutes later, people from all over the office were hovering around my computer. I kept hearing the same sentence over and over: "Jem and the Holograms? I used to love them so much!" One guy started naming all the characters he could remember: "Kimber, Shana, Rio..." When he faltered someone else quickly jumped in with "Stormer, Pizazz, Aja..." One girl started singing the theme song. Another girl then began singing over the first girl, emoting like a rock star and pretending to hold a microphone up to her mouth.
"Oh my god I used to totally love them."
"So did I. They were totally my favorite."
I made a big deal of purchasing the videos right then and there, and made sure everyone saw that it was me, me, I was the one who was buying the Jem and the Holograms videos online right now, me. I specified that they be delivered to me at the office, so others would be around to covet.
The tapes arrived on a Friday a week later. I took them home to watch over the weekend. I could have watched them right then at work. It's a dot com, so we have all the usual trappings: TV, video games, DVD, VCR, karaoke, free soda. I didn't want to share with them though. I wanted to be first.
In the episode "In Stitches," Jem & The Holograms have been invited to Venice Italy to compete in a music fashion competition. The Misfits are also invited to the competition of course, and they manage to raise quite a fuss and generally stress everyone out. Good triumphs over evil in the end when Shana's costume designs win both first and second place in the competition, much to the dismay of Pizzazz and her motley crew of musical Misfits.
In one early scene, Shana is plagued with doubt about her abilities as a costume designer. Sure, her creations are fine for the band, but can she compete with full-time fashion designers on an international level? Who among us hasn't experienced this same self-doubt and loathing. It's interesting stuff to be sure, but more interesting is something that we learn about Kimber from this scene. Kimber, as any Jem! Fan knows, is the youngest member of the band. She is often naive and impetuous, but apparently her immaturity goes beyond the emotional. In a musical sequence where she, Aja, and Jem try to raise Shana's spirits, we learn that Kimber's pajamas have an old-style button-and-flap trapdoor on the rear-end. Does Kimber have issues with incontinence? Yes, probably, but that's okay. In one fleeting moment, as Kimber bends over to rummage through a closet, we have learned that she often does not have time to remove her pajamas bottoms when nature calls. She's had many an embarrassing and messy accident, and yet she is still treated as an equal by her bandmates. They make no mention of her dirty, horrible habit, which perhaps indicates that the other girls have equally shameful secrets. Interesting stuff, to be sure.
In a later scene, the Holograms are seen busking for lire on a city street so they can pay a gondolier to take them to the fashion show. In a musical montage during this scene, we see Jem enjoying a quite moment with her love interest, Rio. This is the only time in the episode we see or even hear of Rio. Did he have more scenes in this episode which ended up on the cutting room floor? Possibly. More likely we are seeing a different side of Jem here than we are used to seeing: a darker side. Jem has brought the band, the Starlight orphans, and their entire entourage over to Italy just so Shana could try to win this fashion competition. The Holograms aren't even scheduled to perform at the ceremony! Awards are meaningless to Jem. For her, the music and the fans are all that matters. Awards, what are awards? The smiling face of a child whose ears simmer with the dulcet tones of the Hologram's latest single is thanks enough. Why should it be different for Shana? No, Jem is not enjoying herself in Italy. She would rather be back home, sorting out the prickly love triangle she has managed to create between herself, her plain Jane counterpart Jerrica, and Rio. Love, romance: these are the anvils upon which great music is smithied; not the decorations bestowed by a faceless, tuxedoed panel of so-called experts. This brief scene hints at a growing tension between Shana and Jem, brought on by the media circus that follows stardom like a lawyer with the taste for blood.
Friday night my girlfriend and I went to see Hands Down Cutest open for Bright Color Assailant at TT's. The show ran pretty late, then we crashed at her house and didn't get up until about noon the next day. We decided to watch the Jem videos right then. Old school. Saturday morning, cartoons, cereal, pajamas and bed-head.
An hour later I was full of Lucky Charms. The Holograms were chasing after The Misfits for some reason or other, again. I looked at my watch. I had to factor in a trip home for some clean clothes before we went to the diner to meet some friends. After dinner we were all going to see the new Max David Cronin film.
"This is kinda eh," my girlfriend said.
"Yeah," I said. "I guess it's not really as exciting as I remembered."
In the episode "Adventure in China," Jem and the Holograms have been invited to China to play a concert at the Great Wall. The Misfits are of course also on the same plane to China, seated a few rows behind the Holograms. Roxy is all upset about something, and can be overheard to yell "Jem and The Holograms are the ones doing the concert, we're just doing a second-rate tour!"
This defies all logic. Any seasoned music fan knows that "tour" is the plural of "concert." Why would they have the character say this. It makes no sense for her to be jealous of The Holograms in this situation. Maybe she has a brain tumor. Maybe all the Misfits do, which goes a long way toward explaining how they are able to maintain such a high level of hate from episode to episode. Or something.
I got to work around 10 the next Monday. As I walked into our office, there were three people crowded around Jake's computer, watching a video of something on the Internet and laughing. Jake spun around in his chair when he noticed I was there and asked me how the Jem-viewing went.
"Oh man," I started, loud enough to get everyone's attention.
Kevin Fanning knows maybe a little bit too much about Jem and the Holograms