General Letter to the After-Sexed
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We will meet through a mutual friend(s) at a bar. No, perhaps we will meet at a bookstore, for that is where the chic in-the-know people meet others these days. We will talk on the phone. We will email each other. We will become very close friends over the course of a few months. We will begin to see each other on the weekends, and then to call each other at our respective places of business. Things will progress very quickly, and we will realize this as we begin surprising each other at our apartments. We will become inseparable.
And then there will be the sex.
Of course, it is destined to happen. One night at your place, after hours of relating stories of past loves and drinking perhaps one, two, three too many glasses of wine. We begin to casually touch each other. Your hand on my thigh, my foot stroking your leg. Things progress and we are kissing. We are enthralled with each other as we take it into the bedroom. Passionate love-making enthuses. We are both satisfied as we sleep deeply through the short remainder of the night and long into the following morning.
But after the sex, things will get weird.
After the sex, I will not visit you at your apartment anymore, and sensing my withdrawl, you cease to visit mine in turn. Naturally, we speak less over the phone and email each other with none of the excited zeal which fed our young friendship. Because of the slow in communications, we will see less and less of each other, which is naturally what we were trying to attain. Because you do not want to see someone when things have gotten weird.
After the sex, we will try to avoid shopping and otherwise hang out at that bookstore where we first met, in attempts to avoid each other. Our friends who still gather at the store will notice the change, as will employees of the store. The employees will notice because we used to go there a lot, and made many a purchase there in our heyday. As they are closing, they will reflect on the loss of business from two such frequent customers as us. "It must've been the sex," they will say. They will be right.
Consequently, we will virtually cut ties with the mutual friend(s) who first introduced us to each other. It really is a shame that we have to drag them into it, as they are just innocent pawns in the whole game. But it will seem perfectly logical to us, because after the sex, we will want to see as little as each other as possible, and any outing with the mutual friend(s) could feasibly lead to run-ins with each other. We basically become isolated, all alone, for fear of running into the other. We will become hermits, cast out from societ to live alone, in harmony with only ourselves, in discord with all that may lead to our once friend and now enemy in weirdness.
So you see, ___________, the sex will most likely lead to confusion, hurt feelings, and mass inconveneice. But when you think about it, I think it will be worth it. So, shall we?
Katelyn Boone gets all the booty