The Perilous Popcorn Man
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fat of america is getting fatter
popcorn smoothies sodas butter
cinema sloths and bitchy soccer moms
they order and nag and slobber and pay
grand amounts of money for an early heart attack
the theaters are for eating and sitting and drinking
not for great art to be on display
but whatever, they are the ones that pay
my fingers are salty and so are my eyes
the frustration of acustomers kicks and cries
i try to be nice and serve you a smile
but sometimes i just want to put your head through the tile
oh weep for the perilous popcorn man
thats right ma'am roll your eyes
then please whine and complain about the price
order around then change your mind
void after void hold up the line
no i don't get extra if i upsell
i hope you know when i ask you if you want a large,
what i really mean is please go to hell
here comes guy with the fists and a mullet
looney tunes shirt with taz on it
demand your large popcorn and mountain dew
then take your child into the r rated film with you
here comes the heavy set person who knows they don't need it
large popcorn and nachos is what you will buy
and a DIET pepsi too just to justify
my fingers are salty and so are my eyes
the frustration of a customers kicks and cries
i try to be nice and serve you a smile
but sometimes i just want to put your head through the tile
oh weep for the perilous popcorn man
the smell of popcorn will forever stick
to my skin and my hair it makes me sick
im really tired of always trying to seem happy
don't be surprised if your soda taste crappy
i'll sabotage your nachos
stick your straws in my ear
don't worry about the scary movies we show here
its the perilous popcorn man you should fear
Jonathon Michals is the first poet to ever be published on Über.