The Adam Mathes Makeover Fund
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I love Adam Mathes. He is a dear friend of mine, and a cofounder of not only this site, but also our new and über-brilliant venture, Über Personals. He invented Google Bombing. He invented IM Stalking. He just invented this brilliant application of Flash which will change the world. And he is funny and smart and, I think, pretty handsome.
I don't know that he's handsome because there is a problem with Adam. He is covered from head to toe in hair. There's hair, literally, everywhere but his eyeballs. And he wears baggy white teeshirts all the time. And Chuck Taylor's. But underneath his slacker exterior, I am positive that there is a xxx-hottt young man, and I am determined to extract the beautiful figure out of the mound of hair, much like an artist does with a block of granite.
Andrea Spencer, another Über co-founder, and I were drinking beer the other night, and we decided that we had to help Adam. We had to bring him into 2003. We had to give him a makeover.
What I'd like to do is:
- Get Adam a modern, spunky haircut. $30.
- Get Adam's beard trimmed down and/or off. $10.
- Buy Adam a new, hip outfit. Perhaps at The Gap. Or Urban Outfitters. $100.
- Buy Adam a new pair of sneakers. Something nice. Perhaps made in Italy. Or Spain. $100.
Unfortunately, these makeover steps will far exceed my monetary abilities. Due to a snafu with my income taxes, I currently owe the federal government $97,000, and am unable to pay for food, let alone a makeover for my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We need about $250 to reach our goal. And so, I am appealing to you, the steady and loving audience of this fine web site, to help us make our dream come true.
The Adam Mathes
Now, you may be thinking, "But what if he doesn't want a makeover?" And you might also be thinking, "How will I know whether or not the money is spent on actually making over Mr. Mathes and not on beer and drugs for Ben Brown?"
I promise you right here and right now that if we reach the goal of $250 for this makeover project, Adam will go along with the plan. I have been steadily wearing him down to the idea of a haircut and a beard trim, and nobody can refuse a new outfit. And when I take him to the salon and then take him shopping, I will document everything with my digital camera. That's like a normal camera, but it takes digital pictures so I don't have to get them developed and then scan them. It is from the future. One day, everyone will have one.
Be a pal. Help make Adam Mathes beautiful.
Ben Brown loves Adam Mathes.