Snippets of Overheard/Misheard Conversations
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by Dan Burt | originally published on 2003-11-20

-They asked me how I did it and I told them that once you shave it down and oil it up real good, it pretty much behaves itself.

-Touché! A little clit for Tad.

-Oh, a lot better, thanks to the new underwear and blowtorch.

-That's the hardest I've ever worked. After jerking and twisting with all my strength, I finally got it off. The blood made me realize it wasn't a life-like imitation.

-The only thing holding me back is the disapproving look I'll get from my monkey.

-You'll love him after you get to blow him.

-I told him I'd be willing to ignore it, but he went ahead and wore the dress anyway.

-Would you believe she showed up last week still wearing her strap-on?

-I should have known better than to trust someone with tits for trains.

-You see this? Normally, something this swollen wouldn't look so pretty.

-I wouldn't have recognized her if not for the goatee. And goat.

-You’re calling me a pervert? Hey, I wasn't the one that shaved the kiwi fruit and ate the banana afterward.

-I rather enjoyed myself. Except for the butt thing.

-And after all we went through, she still won't accept who I am and what that sweet, innocent lemur means to me.

-When I went to school, they didn't require vaccinations. We just needed shots.

-I don't know when she will realize that no matter how much you water those bricks they won't grow.

-Things happen for a reason. That's why I wasn't too concerned about the killer hat.

-I wouldn’t be surprised if they found the bunny in his pants.

-To be honest, it’s not the first time I had to use yogurt to make a point.

-That's one dedicated drunken librarian.

Dan Burt mishears things very well.