Becoming Graham Smith Becoming More Confused
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[ed. note: Please see Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday's pieces to get a handle on the confusion around here at Uber.]
Recently here on Uber you have read about Pasha Malla, about Victor Lembrey, about Darby Larson, and about the unfortunate passing of the fictional character Dee Dee Peel. Aside from Dee Dee I have never heard of any of these people before, but apparently one if not all of them want to be one if not all of the others. This has me perplexed. Adding to this state of bewilderment was the discovery that Dee Dee Peel was in fact Donnie Boman. I thought Dee Dee was a woman, but is Donnie a man? I think maybe Donnie is a man, and I wonder if he sells water. For the record, I am Graham Smith – the real Graham Smith. I don't particularly want to be anyone else, but I don't particularly want to be me and I don’t want to stand up. Sometimes I wish I was really a woman and sometimes I wish I sold water. I used to want to be The Fascist Ben Brown but now I just want to be me, only better.
With all these cards laid out on the table, I think it’s important we begin the mourning process. As I already mentioned, Dee Dee Peel has unfortunately passed away, and I think it's important we take a few moments to reflect upon her life as a human being, as a writer, and as a potentially fictional character that serves to tell of deep rooted psychological dysfunction dwelling within the mind of Donnie Boman. Perhaps he wants to be a woman too, I don't know. What I can say is that Dee Dee led a short and relatively painless life. I can say that.
Bursting onto the Uber scene in July 2003, Dee impressed the audience with an original short story about selling water to Ben Brown. This touching tale of talent found and refreshment dispersed captured the hearts of the online literary community. Far from one to rest on her laurels however, Dee Dee continued to write and grow in ability. Her second, Five Head Pieces, arrived shortly after her first and once again wowed the crowds with it's originality. Not only did it prove the vital wetness that made her first story such a joy to read, it also provided considerable amounts of head. Head was really the only thing missing from Ben Brown Is a Water Sales Scout and in the follow up Dee had given the audience exactly what they had wanted.
Sadly, in the following months Uber would suffer from a lack of updates. Peel's writing ability had almost managed to render pointless any attempt to compete in the same field as her and many writers could be seen throwing laptops and typewriters out of high rise buildings in Greenwich Village. A 30s style literary depression set in around the world as presses stopped rolling and confused, aimless people wandered the streets and wondered what do with themselves. It was a sorry time for all, but luckily Dee Dee had never hoped or planned for world domination. She had no desire to destroy all hope, and would soon bring salvation to the masses. This arrived via an Uber comeback, a revival of the site she had so unfortunately destroyed. In November 2003 she not only rejuvinated creative language as we know it, but ended years of oppression that existed under the regime of Ben Brown (who in retrospect after reading these past few essays was probably also Andrea Spencer, Dakota Smith, Adam Mathes, Andy Pressman, Anne Sussman, Becky Bloom, Amy Rainey and F. Amelia Howes).
In the following months Dee Dee would run Uber with wisdom and compassion, continuing her work in progressing the written word to new heights of greatness. It is a great tragedy that further generations will not be able to learn from her as directly as we have. We should consider ourselves the lucky few, and I think it's safe to say that the current affair we find ourselves in is sort of like The Matrix. We look at it, and we look at these past few essays, and it just makes us think to ourselves: "What the hell?" It makes us question our very being, it makes us question what reality really is. I wouldn't say that Larry and Andy Wachowski are as talented as Dee Dee Peel was - that's preposterous - but I do hear that Larry wants to be a woman, and that's sorta like Donnie. Plus, people in The Matrix die just like Dee Dee did, so you can see how the comparisons go on and on.
The only question that still remains is this though: If Dee Dee is Donnie, and Darby and Victor are Pasha Malla, and Ben Brown is a fascist dictator… then who the fuck is Laura Joldersma?
Graham Smith is not the only one getting confused.