Uber Public Service Announcement: Death by rice cooker
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I got the call early in the morning. It was my mom asking me if I heard the news. I of course said no. She proceeded to tell me the horrid news that my rice cooker had been “recalled.”
Terrible thoughts came crashing into my mind. Did they rollover at high speeds? Did they have electrical problems? Did their all-weather tires slip and slide on icy surfaces, causing death and destruction? Or perhaps, did they explode? How many young, innocent lives were ended untimely by these rice cookers? My mom said seriously, that the rice pressure cooker lid, “exploded and killed an entire family, including the cat.”
I thought, “What the hell is that? My rice cooker is lethal?”
I must warn all my Korean and non-Korean friends who own a Novita rice cooker.
I then pondered the legal ramifications. My friend Jae Yoo who always carries extra rice cookers in his car for emergencies could be pulled over for having concealed weapons in his car. My friend Richard Park who travel all across the country looking for cheap bear gall bladders and also carries his rice cooker everywhere, could be arrested at the airport for packing explosives. He could be labeled as a terrorist. Then, there is my neighbor, Dick Lim, who is not a friend, but an asshole. He’s always using his rice cooker’s programming option to time the rice to be cooked just as his wife comes home from work. Theoretically, if everything goes wrong and the cooker explodes in front of her, he could be charged with premeditated murder. Perhaps I will not tell Dick Lim about the danger because I wouldn’t mind seeing his ass in jail.
Anyways, I called Novita Corporation but they said they didn’t have the correct part in for my unit. They advised me that I should not use my rice cooker until the right part arrives and it can be replaced. That was BS and a bit problematic! How many Asians do you know on Atkins or South Beach? How many lions do you know on the no Zebra diet??
This is another bad card that life has dealt me. However, for the love of by fellow uber audience I am offering you this public service announcement. Please be careful and take action. As for me, I will comply with the Novita Corporation “No cook rice” order so I can avoid the following on my epitaph.
“This man did drugs and alcohol and cavorted with hookers but his untimely end came by an exploding rice cooker.”
Steve Park says the recall is real. Be warned.