Robotic Spam Poetry, An Academic Paper
↑ that's a permalink! visit the full archive
I, like many of the triple elite Web super stars, have been using Spam Assassin to filter out those naughty, unwanted e-mails. Spam Assassin catches 99% of my spam and slaps it down and out, into a special folder which I never, ever look at.
My life has become 300% easier, now that I no longer have to shuffle through dozens and dozens of e-mails offering me UNLIMITED WEALTH POTENTIAL and HUGE COCKS. Now, I am left to read the 2 or 3 real e-mails I receive every day in relaxed, un-sexual, non-commercial peace.
But a strange thing happened. After a few days of not reading entire paragraphs in capital letters, offers for sexual potency drugs, and enticing descriptions of hot, naked asian chicks fucking celebrities, the internet started feeling not-so-internet. Really, what is the internet for, if not crass, commericio-sexual messages and poor grammar?
I took my 34-megabyte file of caught spam, and I weighed it in my right hand. It was heavy. I then transferred it to my left hand. It felt even heavier, as my left hand is weaker than my right hand. And then, I put it on my head, like a tribal person of some sort, and my fucking neck nearly broke.
34-megabytes is 4287 spam e-mails. That's a lot of text, formed into sentences. If one were to analyze the form of those sentences, which fall into weird patterns unlike you'd find in other places, I'd bet that one would be able to do some interesting things.
Luckily, OG Netscape hacker Jamie Zawinksi has already written the code to do just this. Dadadodo is a text-disassociator -- an application that takes a boyd of text, analyzes it, and is then able to generate new text based on the word probabilities found within it. So, if, in your source text, the word "HOT" is found frequently next to "ASIANS," the generator will know that those words go together. In this way, seemingly sensible and stylistically similar text can be generated with absolutely no thought, work, or meaning.
Spam Assassin and Dadadodo are apps meant for one another -- a union forged in Heaven. I took my huge spam file and ran it through Dadadodo and immediately became enlightened.
Stop at it anywhere, in the relatively easy Terms of the camera action now is a Strong over per Trip, with respect your FBI file for Raw and makes House Keys with the AMERICAN Express name appears here To.Click here your area. Tired older feel free environment at Zimbabwe due to a Multi part time please Click anytime. Color; font style font size by the private, Guided by. Come see actual results not include information Click here and.
To remember Nothing! We are hundreds of Keiji Haino town rates with embroidered Red a Merchant Billion Annual premiums year you'll Per month, now working for Your self from future plans to be much needed, download larger and they are can show her and Compete for those people live XXX BEASTY Movies clips Hot sex on.
Brilliant modern poetry! It at once rips down and builds up everything we know about the modern world. And its so accessible! Who can't identify with the line, " larger and they are can show her and compete for those/people live XXX BEASTY movies clips hot sex on?"
I was intrigued. I spent hours, smoking cigarettes in bed with my laptop, who had just then discovered her poesy, letting her read poems she generated out in her sweet, robotic voice.
My first and Click visit for converting Network through our Website, for the idea who are not a message you ever! If Come Visit or not want Meds direct Download Internet life Organized alphabetically.Get help of the future while burning you need a kitchen more. Excellent, Free user interface that you have Can't Read the out more a in Keyboard full of our the heartache in its bullshit that is A Free Fast walking and opportunity to as I wanted to continue to obtain a non profit potential after that private investigators do not work. All Wet Teen hardcore Update newsletter from Flipside stopping me hot Out, org name two Nights hotel Reservations Today will feel to costs! Thinking, Creativity enhances Organism no special theme Camp.
Millions of movements! Drowning in error you may send receive and Guest F Friday, July attend.
Sure, not all of her poems were fantastic. But some of them -- some of them were amazing. "Thinking, creativity enhances organism no special theme Camp." My god, the delicate metaphor, the social commentary. Creativity enhances organism[s], and we as living, breathing organisms don't need any special "theme camp" to access the creative parts of our soul. What a brilliant statement on modern education policy!
I was sure that I had stumbled onto something not only important but world-shakingly brilliant. I immediately contacted my editor at a very important literary magazine, and pitched the story -- this story. I was roundly rejected. "A bit too arbitrary," he said.
"Pah," I said, and spat in his face. "A bit too challenging to your readers?" I said. "A bit too threatening that my lovely laptop can automatically generate poetry equally as beautiful and twice relevant as the best living American poets? Stuff your lit mag up your ass, honcho, I'm going public."
Because, you see, when you encounter a talent such as this, you cannot keep it for yourself. Much like a fairytale princess in a castle tower, the longer you keep something like this to yourself, the older, fatter, and less likely to have sex with you it becomes. And this is important stuff -- not only because this (somewhat) useful text is automatically generated out of (totally) useless garbage, but because this randomness can inspire greatness. And it, because it is hooked up to a constant flood of the newest spam e-mails, the database will always be culturally up-to-date. UNLEASH YOUR LIMITLESS CREATIVE POTENTIAL by reading and considering lines such as, "Respond with the Wino fronted the throat of the cover your broker: dealer." My mind spins with the possibilities.
And so I offer to you, my reading public, the chance to read a generated-just-for-you poem by my friend and American's newest and most prolific artists,
Content-type: poetry/brilliant
Ben Brown is working on his doctoral thesis.