Unemployment, My Ex
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Unemployment and I were together for just over two months. It wasn't a serious relationship, one I knew could never last, but he seemed to want to keep me around. He made some pretty strong hints regarding love and committment, but I laid it out flat and told him on no uncertain terms that it was a fling, a temporary passion, a fun-while-it-lasted affair. He never wanted to accept it--I could see it in his eyes when he lied to me and told me that he understood--but he has to now; I've left him for good.
I was hired yesterday. I called him up when I knew he wouldn't be around and left a message, telling him that I'm working now, getting paid now, and that we couldn't see each other anymore. I imagine he heard it last night when he got home, and I imagine he fell to his knees on the kitchen floor and began sobbing. I know how much I meant to him, how much he loved having me around when the employment rate in Hamilton, Ontario was in its prime. I imagine he's trying frantically to call me, to email me, to send his powerful psychic rays my way, but I've cut off all forms off communication. I just don't want to face him quite yet.
I don't really understand why he should take it so hard, though. I mean, it's not as though he was really that attentive, really that taken away by me. Oh, he probably thought that he wanted something longterm, but perhaps deep in his heart he knew that I wasn't one to even want to stick around.
There was a time when he almost lost me; he pretends to forget all about that. I received a phone call one day while he was in the shower, and I agreed to a job interview. I didn't tell him about it--because he didn't care, thank you very much--and had the interview and did really well. They would've hired me on the spot, had they--well. Unemployment's just damn well lucky I didn't leave him then.
There were times when he ignored me completely. I mean, I was doing contract work here and there, doing things for people who were willing to throw a bit of money my way, but that only happened because he wouldn't return my calls or emails, wouldn't see me; what choice did I have? It's one or the other--some people got to me; what could I do? There wasn't any way I could turn them down, not when things were so uncertain between him and me.
Our relationship was never really stable--not that I wanted it to be!--but I never really made a conscious decision to leave him. I suppose it wasn't even really my decision to make, when I came down to it--I could never tell when another wanted me; I've always waited for their move. And this one, this Research Job, he moved in like a tiger.
It started with a bit of innocent volunteering--nothing presumptuous, nothing eager. I played it cool and did what I had to do, and the Research Job didn't want to take such a serious risk--he didn't want to give me the chance to escape. So what did the Research Job decide to do? "Stay, Laura," on his hands and knees, his eyes full of pleading and promises of money and power. "We want to pay you. We'll pay you anything, and you won't have to do a thing! Write stories, read books, invent pseudonyms, twiddle your thumbs, and we will pay you!" Well, yet another situation in which I didn't really have a choice, when you came down to it.
I'm dreading having to face Unemployment, really. I know it'll have to happen eventually--or will it? I might just to be able to avoid him completely, if I try really hard. Of course! there's really no reason to bother him. I mean, he's a really very busy man, very popular, very needed in his profession. In fact, I wouldn't blame him a bit if he's already forgotten me; I would've already forgotten him if I weren't writing this.
Laura Joldersma usually appears on Tuesdays. But we forgot yesterday.